The sun is shining and the air feels light. It’s grown far too stale indoors, caved up holed up, at the mercy of the ceaseless drifting snow; Or …fat snow, whipping snow, piling snow, plummeting snow. We were all victims of you and your teaming, snot nosed brother, polar vortex.
Ha HA, stupid snow. You thought you would torture us all for months on end. Did our spin outs amuse you? Did you snicker while we scaled your drifts? Trudged, slipped, and sliding vulnerably on your evil masterwork? All fine and good. Today is your demise.
Today we laugh at YOU and your mighty drifts resorted to grungy murk. The sullen puddles, barely traceable remnants of the snowy colossal alps which once mocked us.
I laughed as I exited my car, inhaling the freshness of the spring air. Mmmm…yes. Stupid stupid snow.
Yes. What’s this? Ah, grass. Hello again! Looking a little beat up there, buddy. But all in good time. And you? Oh, broken bottle of Chardonnay on the curb, hidden under the sneaky snow. Well, didn’t miss you, but easily taken care of. And now, what’s this? Oh. A crushed Big Gulp cup.. Oh look.. There’s another. Lovely. But again! Easily taken care of. Nothing getting in my way…. I gaze further across my front lawn… Hm. A granola wrapper. A Barracos napkin. A mangled To-go box.
Well now. This certainly isn’t the sweet spring I had my hopes set on. But still.
I enter my house and go straight to the back door to let my beloved, Bernadette enjoy the fresh air, as well. No trash will rain on this parade. Brace yourself, Berns. You’re going to love this. Opening the door… to … Ahhhhh…
Tons and tons and tons of Poop. Poop piles scattered all over my deck. Poop landmines hidden sneakily under that son of a Snow. Poop for daaaaays.
I shut the door. The swell of my Springa-pa-looza punctured. I grimace.
Well played, Snow. You may have the last laugh today, but it’s only a matter of time.