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Last Laugh

The sun is shining and the air feels light.  It’s grown far too stale indoors, caved up holed up, at the mercy of the ceaseless drifting snow; Or …fat snow, whipping snow, piling snow, plummeting snow. We were all victims of you and your teaming, snot nosed brother, polar vortex.

Ha HA, stupid snow. You thought you would torture us all for months on end. Did our spin outs amuse you?  Did you snicker while we scaled your drifts? Trudged, slipped, and sliding vulnerably on your evil masterwork?  All fine and good. Today is your demise.

Today we laugh at YOU and your mighty drifts resorted to grungy murk. The sullen puddles, barely traceable remnants of the snowy colossal alps which once mocked us.

I laughed as I exited my car, inhaling the freshness of the spring air. Mmmm…yes.  Stupid stupid snow.

Yes. What’s this? Ah, grass. Hello again! Looking a little beat up there, buddy. But all in good time. And you? Oh, broken bottle of Chardonnay on the curb, hidden under the sneaky snow.  Well, didn’t miss you, but easily taken care of. And now, what’s this? Oh. A crushed Big Gulp cup.. Oh look.. There’s another. Lovely. But again! Easily taken care of. Nothing getting in my way…. I gaze further across my front lawn… Hm. A granola wrapper. A Barracos napkin. A mangled To-go box.

Well now. This certainly isn’t the sweet spring I had my hopes set on. But still.

I enter my house and go straight to the back door to let my beloved, Bernadette enjoy the fresh air, as well. No trash will rain on this parade. Brace yourself, Berns. You’re going to love this. Opening the door… to … Ahhhhh…

Tons and tons and tons of Poop. Poop piles scattered all over my deck. Poop landmines hidden sneakily under that son of a Snow. Poop for daaaaays.

I shut the door. The swell of my Springa-pa-looza punctured. I grimace.

Well played, Snow. You may have the last laugh today, but it’s only a matter of time.

Categories: Uncategorized


9 replies

  1. Our first warm day, revealing the hidden treasures of your LONG winter…no worries…it will all be covered again Wednesday morning!

  2. Brace yourself Berns! What a slice! Unexpected first sign of spring. Poop! Never thought of this and love the realty you’ve shared here with such humor. March is so refreshing and dirty.

  3. What an unexpected turn your slice took. I for sure thought you would open the back door to the sweet smells of spring….not poop! I grew up with dogs. I totally understand. “Today we laugh at you and your mighty drifts resorted to grungy murk.” Well said. Well said.

  4. This is great. I love your writing. I’m also glad I’m not the only one with this problem in their yard. Only I have a 100lb. Doberman. Your writing just intrigues me and I love you talking to the snow. So funny. Oh, and you made me want to order Barraco’s for dinner tonight.

  5. oh my goodness! This was fantastic! I love that the first sign of spring to you is springing up all over your yard! Jay and I were just talking about this. He laughed out loud when I read him this! Great Slice!

  6. The adult in me: I love the amusing questions you asked the snow. And I loved the imagery.
    The kid in me: I love that your slice as about poop!

  7. Your hatred of the snow shines through here! 🙂 I love the creative spin that you have put on the frustration of this crazy winter and your love for the nice, spring day. Brace yourself…

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